A Conversation-less Tuesday

No Tuesday breakfast for me friends. Instead I had a morning of being a responsible parent after deciding not to send Girl 3 to school with a cough. And a fever. Because you know if it had only been a cough there’s no way I would have missed breakfast. But I made the sacrifice this morning.

Which really wasn’t so terrible. Girl 3 was pretty cheerful for being sick and I got some things done. Still, I was looking forward to hearing about Andi’s trip to Hawaii. I need someone to live vicariously through at the moment so as not to be tempted into watching The Kardashians again.

Sadly, no breakfast for me means no fascinating and/or hilarious insights to share with you. So, instead, I’ll give you a little update on Candy and how she’s adjusting to American life.

Turns out, quite well. She’s decided to embrace that most homegrown of American religions: Mormonism. Of course those of us in the breakfast group, who happen to also be practitioners of that same religion, were relieved to hear she had studied the missionary materials in Mandarin. So at least she’s got some inkling of what she’s gotten herself into.

The thing not included in her materials though was what kind of underwear to wear on her baptism day. And no I don’t mean the “magic” kind you’ve maybe heard about. I mean the basic white kind.

Because, you see, we baptize by immersion. This represents, not only a washing away of our sins, but also a rebirth. And we wear white when we are baptized to represent purity. But mostly, If you’re wearing something white that’s going to get wet, you need to have something white on underneath it. Because a hot pink bra? It’s gonna show.

Not that Candy’s bra was hot pink, but it wasn’t white. And luckily Paula’s mom figured this out before the baptism and gave Paula the assignment of finding Candy some white underwear. Which Candy didn’t totally understand because she showed Paula the white bra she did have. With the green flowers on it. And she said, “This okay. This cute.” and Paula didn’t disagree, but still went to Walgreens in hopes of finding plain white underwear. Which isn’t too hard when it come to panties. But bras are a different story. Especially when you only have an hour.

But she did it. She found some white granny panties and an ugly bra just in the nick of time. Paula presented them to Candy, apologizing that they weren’t very cute* and Candy,who still seemed a little confused, graciously accepted and wore them. Thus an awkward after-baptism moment was successfully averted.

There is some concern, however, that Candy will be presenting future baptismal candidates with gifts of underwear. And while Paula successfully fulfilled her assignment, her mom didn’t fare as well. She had the job of keeping Paula’s twelve year old daughter away from any make-up other than mascara and clear lip gloss. So imagine Paula’s surprise when they were all ready to walk out the door to the baptism and she happened to glance at her daughter. Who was wearing bright red lip gloss. And blue eye shadow. A lot of it.

Which begs the question, can’t a mom catch a break?

No, no she can’t.

But at least she didn’t have to be embarrassed for her sister-in-law that day.

* Wait’ll she gets a load of the “magic” kind some day (which, by the way, aren’t magic at all. But it would be cool if they were. Maybe something like Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak).

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